COMMENTARY
Let’s put this right on the table: We don’t have a big problem with renaming San Francisco schools.
That said, there have been big problems: The timing sucks. The San Francisco Unified School District should wait until the pandemic is over and the district’s budget is in order. Also the process has been, at times, laughable, as the conversation we hosted last week made clear.
Some names on the chopping block are questionable and merit much more debate, with some actual historians involved. We could also go on for days about how the Board of Education has become less a body devoted to helping our city’s kids, and more a platform for grandstanders and ambitious seekers of higher office; several have already made that leap. That’s ample fodder for another column.
But let’s not quibble about getting rid of the name of a guy who helped wipe out the native Californian population (Junípero Serra), or the school superintendent who didn’t want Chinese people in San Francisco schools (James Denman).
Barring a wholly unexpected intervention, renaming is going to happen. But any human being offered up as an exemplar, worthy of a school marquee, is just that, a human being. Today’s folk hero could land on tomorrow’s shit list for crimes, slights, attitudes, and other skeletons exhumed from various closets. No one’s a saint, no matter what the pope decrees. Hell, even César Chávez has gotten the revisionist treatment. Who’s next?
To avoid going through this again in a generation, we have a suggestion. Any new school name should be guaranteed to get no side-eye in 10, 20, or 30 years. So let’s honor what’s great about San Francisco, without qualification or debate: our natural surroundings, including our native plants and animals. Their monikers are completely appropriate, and completely uncontroversial, though they might get mistaken for the latest IPAs at your local microbrewery.
(A hat tip to Kim-Shree Maufas, a member of the school renaming committee, who mentioned during our discussion last week that the committee has received multiple suggestions for this type of approach.)
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Here are 15 of the highest profile schools, renamed, followed by many more candidates if you need more ideas. Feel free to mix and match with more schools to be renamed.
Elementary schools
Alamo Elementary becomes Lobos Creek Elementary.
Commodore Sloat Elementary becomes Sandpiper Elementary.
Dianne Feinstein Elementary becomes Red Tail Elementary.
Jefferson Elementary becomes Monarch Elementary.
John Muir Elementary becomes Redwood Elementary.
Junipero Serra Elementary becomes Yerba Buena Elementary.
Sutro Elementary becomes Seal Rock Elementary.
Middle schools
Everett Middle becomes Manzanita Middle.
Herbert Hoover Middle becomes Sunset Heights Middle.
James Denman Middle becomes Dungeness Middle.
Presidio Middle becomes Golden Gate Middle.
High schools
Balboa High becomes Bay Laurel High.
Lincoln High becomes Ocean Beach High.
Lowell High becomes Farallon High.
Washington High becomes Lands End High.
A potpourri of potential names
Fauna
Garter Snake
Barn Owl
Coyote
Chorus Frog
Newt
Hummingbird
Great White Shark
Mountain Lion
Humpback
Coho
Steelhead
Nurse Shark
Leopard Shark
Sand Crab
Xerces Blue
Clapper Rail
Seagull
Woodpecker
Snowy Plover
Geology/Geographic Features
Serpentinite
Mile Rock
El Polin
Agate
Basalt
Chert
Flora
Lupine
Poison Oak
Douglas Iris
Blackberry
Huckleberry
Madrone
Star Lily
Poppy
Cypress
Oak
Buckeye
Ceanothus
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